Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
