sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
