I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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