if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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