I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
please come you make the beer taste better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
