i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
