yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
