That's intense
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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