apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
