Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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