I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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