I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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