u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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