I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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