as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was confusing and full of hummus
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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