im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
