hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
