I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
