He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
