just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
