sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
