You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
