Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
