Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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