You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
