i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
