I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
not ubering you a puppy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
