The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
