I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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