Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
