I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are two peas in an std pod
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
