strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
