I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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