He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
