Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
