The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
