There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
