The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
