I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
