can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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