So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
