I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
