I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
