I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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