My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
