next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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