Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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