I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you win again, gameday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
