I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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