I got chris browned last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you had me at cake vodka
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
