I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
