Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
