you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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