OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
