Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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