I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
