2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
