So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
